


Close

by Anonysauce



Category: Vinesauce (Video Blogging RPF)
Genre: Awkward First Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 08:18:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17804423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonysauce/pseuds/Anonysauce
Summary: Normally it took until three or four in the morning, just after an hours-long stream, before he felt tired enough to go to bed. Normally it took a session of meditation, maybe a few absent drafts of lyrics scratched on spare paper, to empty his thoughts out and sleep. Normally… he didn’t have Joel Johansson a few thousand miles closer to him.





	Close

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I just can't seem to write 100 words lately.  
> Also me: [writes nearly 6k words in a week]  
> Also also me: ok
> 
> This was supposed to be done by Valentine's Day, but I suppose a day late isn't so bad. Enjoy awkward boys' first time being physical. :)
> 
> (Might have listened to Ellie Goulding's "Love Me Like You Do" a few more times than strictly necessary in the process of hammering this out.)

The distant, muffled chirping of some lonely cricket broke the unnaturally still silence in his bedroom. Vinny stared at his ceiling, not so much seeing it as he was simply fixing his eyes on it, in an effort to not look at the other person lying beside him.

Compared to a few hours ago, Joel had an entirely different air when he was trying to sleep. There was still a degree of restlessness to his movements, a pinch to his brow that never seemed to let up, but it was as though he had wrangled his exuberance like a pack of wild dogs into his body and let it simmer until morning. He mellowed astonishingly well, where Vinny always felt like he couldn’t stop subtly vibrating with anxiety.

Like right now. Right now, his mind was preoccupied. Normally it took until three or four in the morning, just after an hours-long stream, before he felt tired enough to go to bed. Normally it took a session of meditation, maybe a few absent drafts of lyrics scratched on spare paper, to empty his thoughts out and sleep. Normally… he didn’t have Joel Johansson a few thousand miles closer to him.

It was the fourth time Joel had come to America. The first, years ago, when for his eighteenth birthday his dad had bought him tickets to America. The second, two years after that, a treat to himself for his streams getting a ton of views. And the third had been another year later, for Joel’s twenty-first birthday, and while he’d already been drinking in Sweden for years at that point, legally hitting New York and getting smashed was on his list of things to do.

It was also the year that they. Well. Vinny could remember the details in perfect clarity, the drunken words mumbled then half-death metal screamed. The following morning helping Joel nurse one hell of a hangover, and the somehow cliched ‘did you really mean what you said’ led up to a lot of emoting. Between sessions of barfing.

Vinny wasn’t sure how to feel at the time. It was admittedly unexpected, and he was sure it was just the way Joel tended to lavish anyone in a five foot radius with affection when he was hammered. But when Joel admitted, red in the face and more than a little afraid, that yes, he meant it, and _no, Vinny, you don’t have to say it back, it’s cool, we’re still friends, sorry, I’m making this fuckin’ awkward…_ something happened in the cogs of his mind.

The remainder of that trip was spent in horrible tension. Vinny still felt deep regret for making Joel sit through almost an entire week without giving him an answer, but the night after Joel got back to Sweden, a full back and forth on Skype lifted the heavy air between them.

> Vargskelethor: listen  
>  Vargskelethor: im sorry i was so  
>  Vargskelethor: i dont know  
>  Vargskelethor: stupid? im a fuckin idiot ok you know that  
>  Vinesauce: no, joel, you’re not an idiot. saying how you really feel about someone takes balls, and that’s honestly commendable.  
>  Vargskelethor: and i shouldnt have  
>  Vargskelethor: no like theres a difference between having balls and potentially fucking up a really good friendship  
>  Vinesauce: Joel, hang on a second. stop typing.  
>  Vinesauce: Look.  
>  Vinesauce: you caught me off guard, we’re good enough friends that i can tell you that straight  
>  Vinesauce: but you should know that i’m not exactly… comfortable with close stuff  
>  Vinesauce: Or at least it takes me a little. so.  
>  Vinesauce: i didn’t want to say yes or no right away. cuz i’ll be honest. my immediate response was not one of disgust or anything like that.  
>  Vargskelethor: wait really  
>  Vinesauce: Now’s probably the best time to tell you, i’ve known i was bi for like… eight years now?  
>  Vargskelethor: really???  
>  Vinesauce: yes lol  
>  Vargskelethor: holy shit  
>  Vinesauce: you gonna be ok?  
>  Vargskelethor: im having a minor stroke its ok go on  
>  Vinesauce: Lol well anyway.  
>  Vinesauce: what i’m saying is, i thought about it. that whole week, i couldn’t stop thinking about it.  
>  Vinesauce: i always thought you were a really funny guy. you make me laugh, you have a great sense of humor. i made you part of the team for a reason.  
>  Vinesauce: but i didn’t start thinking about you like that until you said something.  
>  Vinesauce: So, I thought about it.  
>  Vinesauce: and.  
>  Vinesauce: This is me saying it back. I like you. let’s date or something.  
>  Vargskelethor: LOL “lets date or something” WOW  
>  Vinesauce: don’t call me out like this.  
>  Vinesauce: but yeah, i think we can try it. you’re cute, we get along. the distance might be a problem but i’m willing to try. 

Vinny exhaled, trying to let the memories go from his mind. He wasn’t tired at all, and having Joel this close to him for the first time since they officially started dating was force-feeding his brain all the times they’d been close before. This time, the context was different. They were together. Dating. Boyfriends? His lip curled; the word was just too amateurish for him now.

Regardless of what he wanted to call it, it existed, and it set his mind into a very specific state. If they were together, there were things that they’d inevitably do, things that made his stomach feel a certain kind of twisty. Things he, rather inopportunely, wanted to do _right now._

(And worse yet, all things that he’d never done with another guy.)

His gaze drifted from the ceiling to finally take in Joel lying next to him. He had his face partially buried in the pillow, one arm under it clutching it to his head. His side rose and fell with each breath -- it seemed even enough that he might be asleep. He’d only been here for a day, likely all kinds of exhausted from jet lag, and Vinny felt guilty for even entertaining the idea of waking him.

“Hey.” Oops. That came out without any thought.

Joel made a sound the pillow ate the majority of, one visible eye opening and giving Vinny what he took to be an irritated look.

Vinny cleared his throat, shook his head. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“Wasn’t asleep,” Joel murmured, pushing himself up enough to talk clearly. One hand absently pushed some hair out of his face, Vinny tracking the motion before he could catch himself. “Trying to, but like… you know when you’re so tired you can’t sleep?”

“Yeah, definitely been there a few times.” Vinny looked away, scratching at the back of his head as he pondered how, exactly, to approach talking about what he wanted.

Joel stifled a yawn, the mattress dipping as he readjusted. When Vinny looked back, Joel was lying on his back similarly looking up at the ceiling, expression pensive. “You’d think it would be easier to sleep after being on a plane for twelve hours.”

“Yeah…”

“...Your bed’s comfy.” Joel wriggled just slightly to emphasize his point.

“Better than the couch?”

“Mm… there’s something special to sleeping on a couch though.” He stretched, arms over his head and bumping the wall behind the bed.

“I told chat my couch reeks of you now.”

“Oh good. Got that Joel stank all over the cushions.” He snorted, and the two lapsed into quiet laughter.

This, Vinny thought, this was comfortable. Still, the twisty feeling remained, his eyes flicking down to where the comforter rode low, to the sparsest of wiry hairs on Joel’s stomach. It was something that before, he’d seen. Noticed, maybe, and might’ve mentally remarked on his relative hairlessness as a Scandinavian. But the new context…

“...Hey uh.” He did it again. His own voice felt too loud. _Fuck it,_ he thought, easing down and rolling onto his side. “Listen,” he continued, a little softer. “I, um.”

Joel regarded him with curiosity. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Vinny said, shaking his head. “It’s just. This. This is nice.”

After a moment, Joel hummed in agreement. “It is.” His eyes lowered, then lifted again. “I thought about it sometimes, y’know… like… before I said anything.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah, I mean. I… fuck, this is stupid.” Joel laughed, face darkening a shade. “I kinda liked you for a while, and sometimes I wondered what it’d be like.”

“Was it anything like this?” Vinny honestly wondered.

“Um… yeah, something like it.”

The growing blush on Joel’s face emboldened him. “...Would you. Uh. Be at all upset if I said I wanted to kiss you?”

Joel’s eyes shot wide open. “What-- upset?” he sputtered. “I-- no? I’m. Jesus fuck, Vinny. I’m here blurting out my dumbfuck crush secrets and you ask me that?”

Vinny covered his face. “No, fuck, I was just trying-- I was trying to be cute, God. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

A hand gently wrenched his from his face. “That’s my line, stop it.” Joel gave him a shaky, nervous smile. “We’re clearly two dumb assholes who can’t figure anything out.”

His hand was surprisingly cold, Vinny noted, wondering in the back of his mind if it was the diabetes affecting his circulation or what. He slipped his wrist from Joel’s grip and moved to just. Wrap his fingers around his palm, not quite holding it. “At least we’re in it together.”

Fuck, his heart was kicking up speed. He felt almost dizzy, like this wasn’t real. Judging by the look on Joel’s face, he was feeling much the same way.

“But, um,” he continued. “I mean it. I. I kinda want to kiss you.”

Joel’s brows met, the nervous smile twitching at the corners. “So, do it.”

A laugh huffed its way out of his throat. “Not when you’re giving me that look, come on.”

“What, you want me to make fuck-me eyes at you?”

“No! Holy shit.” Vinny couldn’t hold back laughing more, and soon Joel joined him; he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. “I’m-- fucking hell. Why are we so bad at this?”

“I don’t know!” Joel practically squeaked. He took a deep, steadying breath. “I feel like I’m gonna puke my heart, though.”

“God, me too?” He swallowed hard, throat catching. “This shouldn’t be so difficult.”

“Okay. Okay, just. Breathe.” Joel closed his eyes. “It’s just. You just do it.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Vinny shifted closer, just enough until he could feel Joel’s breath on his skin. And stopped.

“...Vinny,” Joel whispered.

“I’m sorry.” He laughed again, tilting his head just enough to lightly bump Joel’s. “I’m so nervous.”

They were still holding hands, he realized, when Joel squeezed his. “Me too.”

For a long moment, they stayed like that, foreheads touching in some facsimile of tenderness. The closeness was legitimately nice, but something about being like this felt uncharacteristic of them both. Vinny chuckled, mainly to himself, Joel huffing out a laugh too. Maybe he was aware of it in the same way Vinny was, and to an extent it was a comfort.

Vinny pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes. Joel had a look of deep content beyond the amusement, like he was truly happy the two of them were together. Something sparked in his chest at the thought that of all things, Joel was happy to be here. With him. And for a moment it quashed the nervousness plaguing him.

He took a breath, threw his hesitation away, and bridged the distance between them.

Kissing Joel felt… surprisingly natural. It was only a few seconds, by no means a deep or passionate kiss, but it was contact. He let it end slowly, easing away and trying not to stare too hard at Joel to gauge his reaction.

Or so he wanted to. He found himself looking down between them, just breathing. That was it, that was their first kiss.

“...Wow,” Joel murmured, the one word vocalizing the thought.

“...Yeah. Wow.”

A long silence followed, punctuated by the creak of the bedsprings, Joel shifting closer. Vinny lifted his head enough to let their lips meet again, more than a little unsure of the pace to set. His mind rapidfired suggestions, ideas, all of them too much too fast; he defaulted to instinct, shallower kisses that mirrored their moves.

Somehow even the light scratch of their facial hair fit into the natural element, an affirmation that yes, this was another guy he was kissing and it didn’t just not feel weird, it actually felt. Good. The musky scent of decidedly masculine body wash permeated his senses, familiar for all the times Joel had visited over the years.

A few moments later, they parted, gazing with a mix of uncertainty and surprise into each other’s eyes. Joel looked away first, inclining his head. “I… wow,” he echoed, grip on Vinny’s hand tightening. “This really is nice.”

“Yeah.” His heart hadn’t quite settled yet, alive again at the weird thrill he got from the situation itself. “I think I really like kissing you?”

The light blush from before returned to Joel’s face, even the tips of his ears red. “Seriously?” he asked, less incredulous and more shyly flattered.

“Um, yeah. Considering my heart doesn’t know what chill is right now.” He chanced edging closer, until their chests were flush. “To be honest,” he murmured, avoiding looking directly at him. “I was thinking about all of this earlier. Because like, we’ve been… online dating for about a year, but I knew when you got here we’d. Y’know.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“I mean, assuming you’d want to. Which I did. But every time I’d start thinking about it I felt like my stomach was trying to turn itself inside out.” He chuckled, resting his head against Joel’s again. “I don’t know why.”

“...No, I get it,” Joel said after a moment, his voice resonating in Vinny’s chest. This close, Vinny realized he was actually shaking, albeit subtly. “I’m somewhere between excited and terrified.”

“I guess that’s what happens when you really like someone,” Vinny mused, then lightly pressed his lips to Joel’s forehead. “It’s kinda gay.”

“Dude it’s super gay,” Joel half-snorted. “...But I like it.”

“We should. Do it again.”

“Yeah.”

It was easier this time, to simply kiss him with no second-guessing. He still hadn’t found exactly the right rhythm, clumsy at times and not quite matching up with Joel’s pace, but that didn’t seem to matter. His hand let go of Joel’s, moving to the side of his neck and threading into his hair.

Joel shivered at the touch, pressing closer. It was as good a time as any, Vinny figured, to try going a little further. He parted his lips enough to see, tongue slipping across Joel’s lower lip. A second later he felt Joel respond, kiss deepening into something a lot more impassioned than before. A cool hand cupped his face, thumb stroking at the shorter hairs of his beard at the base of his jaw.

They were honest to god making out, Vinny thought, surprised that he wasn’t more thrown by the situation. One of Joel’s legs slipped between his, ankles hooking, and he felt the very obvious press of something half-hard against his thigh.

“Joel,” he mumbled into his mouth.

Joel recoiled like he’d been burned, the kiss coming apart with an undignified wet pop. “Shit, sorry, I’m sorry.” He moved to pull back, Vinny grasping his shoulder.

“Wait, wait, don’t apologize.” The backpedaling had an adorable quality to it that Vinny couldn’t help but smile over. “It’s okay.”

“Sorry-- augh, fuck.” Joel shook his head. “I dunno why I’m apologizing. I think I’m embarrassed mostly.”

“Embarrassed? What, for popping a boner over a kiss?”

“Well yeah, I mean.” He pursed his lips and rolled his eyes. “S’just a kiss. Fuckin’ stupid.”

“I mean…” Vinny looked down between them. “I don’t think it’s stupid all things considered. If anything I’m happy you think I’m good enough of a kisser it warrants getting hard over.” Plus, he thought, though decided against saying so, the two of them were mere inches apart and in nothing but their underwear. It made sense.

“Still,” Joel started, then paused when Vinny slid his hand from his shoulder to his side. “...Vinny?”

“I wanna try something,” Vinny said, voice coming out unusually husky. Joel’s breathing went shallow at that, and he could feel his eyes on him. He let his hand rest on Joel’s hip, then looked up at him. “Is that okay?”

“U-uh.” After a moment, Joel nodded.

Vinny focused on his own hand again, letting his fingers brush the waistband of Joel’s boxers before lightly hooking into it. He let out an amused breath when Joel’s stomach fluttered from the contact, then dipped his hand past the elastic.

For all that his extremities were cold, Joel’s core was like a furnace. It was probably nerves, Vinny figured, slipping past sweat-damp, coarser hair to curl his hand around his cock. For a moment he was curious at the slip of the skin before remembering, right, European -- it was only natural he was uncut. He fit his other hand’s fingers back into the waistband and tugged it down just enough pull it out. Joel’s breath stuttered, gripping Vinny’s arm with a shaking hand. Vinny flicked his gaze to Joel’s face for a moment before returning his attention between them.

It looked. Different. The skin moved with a distinct looseness when he shifted his hand, the downward motion of an experimental stroke exposing the head. It was almost fascinating, Vinny’s head tilting as he watched his own movements. For a moment, any uncertainty he might have had about touching another guy’s dick went unnoticed from the sheer novelty.

“God,” Joel choked out, hips twitching. “Vinny, fuck…”

That was encouraging; he held back a shiver and adjusted his grip, a little firmer than before. He could feel Joel getting harder, the looser skin moving as he stroked, a few drops of pre rolling down and over his fingers. Joel dug his nails into his arm and whined, eyes squeezed shut when Vinny looked up at him again.

“That’s good?” he asked, unsure of his volume with how his pulse was starting to roar in his ears. “I have to be honest, I don’t… exactly know what I’m doing.”

“Keep going.” Joel swallowed hard. “It’s good, keep going.”

Vinny nodded, more to himself than anything, and pumped his hand a few more times. Joel rested his head on his shoulder, hot breath coasting over his skin with each short exhalation. More pre beaded at the tip, slicking the skin as Vinny kept stroking at an even pace. The way it moved was hard to look away from, and he found himself wondering what it felt like. Some bits of knowledge surfaced -- supposedly it was more sensitive -- but the real answer was in the way Joel moaned into the crook of his neck.

That. That made his own cock twitch, bringing him to an awareness that he was actually pretty hard just from doing this. It seemed secondary to what was going on in front of him, a little too wrapped up in what Joel was feeling to even acknowledge it.

“Fuck,” he whispered. “Joel…”

At that point he didn’t even need to stroke, Joel bucking his hips into his hand. He scraped his nails down Vinny’s arm, the little whimpers and staccato gasps he made clear proof of how he felt.

Vinny swallowed, nudging at him with his shoulder. “Hey, lie back.” More than anything, he really wanted to see his reactions -- and, if he was being honest with himself, the position was making his wrist cramp up.

It took a moment before Joel turned onto his back, face red and eyes half-lidded, panting softly and looking for all the world like he wanted to hide his face. Something about his shyness was adorable, his eyes avoiding meeting Vinny's when Vinny looked at him. To spare him, he focused back to where Joel was practically dripping all over his hand.

He tightened his fist, dragging it up then down in one solid, firm motion. Joel groaned between clenched teeth, gripping the sheet with one hand and holding onto Vinny’s arm with the other. Each time he did it, sometimes faster, sometimes slower, he could feel the steady throb growing stronger and more erratic. It wasn't gonna be much longer, seeing the way Joel tensed up like he was trying to hold back. A tiny, playfully cruel and maybe a bit selfish part of Vinny didn't want him to, not letting up on the momentum he'd built up.

“Fuck!” Joel bit out, jerking up into his hold. Moments later, a few hot bursts streaked over his stomach, the rest gushing out over Vinny's hand as he worked him to completion.

The sensation was… different, someone else's rather than his own, but not unpleasant. Vinny loosened his grip, accidentally smearing a bit across Joel's thigh as he let go of him, knowing full well how deeply uncomfortable overstimulation was. His eyes tracked the viscous pooling of fluid on his palm, trickling between his fingers, and. Curious, brought it to his mouth.

“Vinny!” Joel managed, breathless and scandalized. “Don't fuckin'--”

Too late. Vinny lightly licked at it, before he could rationalize not doing it.

Both of Joel's hands pressed over his own face. “Don't fuckin’ eat my cum you goddamn weirdo!” he screeched into his palms.

He clicked his tongue. It was about what he expected, vaguely salty-bitter but with an unusual sweet tang to it. The diabetes maybe, or just his imagination. Joel immediately grappled for his wrist, missing the first few swipes. His face was utterly burning red.

“Sorry, but like, to be fair,” Vinny argued, a grin fighting its way onto his face, “if I’d been sucking you off and swallowed it’d be perfectly fine.” Not that he was sure he would have, in the moment, but it felt appropriate to be cheeky.

That did shut him up, though. Joel gaped wordlessly before letting go of his wrist in apparent defeat. His gaze fell to the load he’d shot onto his stomach and softening erection; Vinny could practically hear the gears in his mind turning, processing what had just happened.

“Uhh.” His eyebrows quirked up, one hand raking through his hair to push it out of his face. “That. Huh.”

“Yup,” Vinny agreed. It was still somewhat dawning on him that he’d just given his first handjob, and to Joel no less. He looked at his jizz-covered hand a moment longer, then reached for the tissues on his nightstand. It wasn’t ideal, but it worked to scrub most of it off without leaving too much residue.

When he looked back, Joel had his attention directed downward, at the almost-embarrassingly obvious, now that he acknowledged it, tenting in his boxers. Something about it made Vinny immediately self-conscious, wondering if Joel would be put off by anything from the size to how it looked to even how decent of a manscaping job he did.

“You don’t have to--” he started, but Joel had already extended his arm.

“...I want to?” Joel said, upward inflection asking implicit permission.

Vinny hesitated, wishing he could just tell his anxiety to fuck off. “Okay.”

Joel shifted over, grabbing his waistband and tugging it down. It was perhaps a little too eager, Vinny hissing slightly when the head of his cock bounced off his stomach. “Easy, tiger,” he joked to mask his nervousness, though grateful in a way for the lack of buildup. It’d been a while since anyone had seen him like this. If Joel was at all bothered, he didn’t say anything save for a mumbled “sorry.” But he did have a furrow to his brow that Vinny supposed was at the very obvious difference between the two.

“It’s, uh,” he said after a moment. “It’s a little different, but same general idea.”

“I mean.” Joel took him in a light grip. “I’ve seen it in porn, but.”

“Don’t compare me, for fuck’s sake,” he half-kidded. Joel’s hand was a little warmer now, thank God, the sensation alone making him visibly stiffen. “What I mean is, don’t overthink it, I’ll tell you if, if I don’t like what you do.”

Joel nodded, curling his fingers around him a little tighter and stroking once. Vinny tipped his head back, spread his thighs a little more, exhaling softly. Joel’s motions were almost too gentle, but he didn’t want to rush him despite the worry he had that he might not seem interested.

That is, until Joel leaned forward over him and swiped his tongue over the tip of his cock.

Vinny inhaled sharply, just barely holding back from rocking his hips up. “Holy shit--! _Joel_.”

“Sorry!” Joel wheezed, restraining a fit of giggles. “I wanted to try.”

“Warn me first before I accidentally break your nose.” He held fistfuls of the sheets, clear rivulets of pre coursing down his cock from the very sharp spike of arousal. “You-- you wanna suck me, go ahead, but Jesus.”

Joel looked down at him again. “...Y’know it’s funny, I do, but then like. I’ve been calling people cocksuckers as an insult for so long and now _I’m_ the cocksucker.” His lips pursed in that thoughtful way. “I actually wanna do it.”

“I’m telling everyone Joel sucks cock,” Vinny teased, but his heart wasn’t in it. Said heart pointedly reminded him that it existed, starting to race at the suggestion where his lizard brain had gone haywire from the promise of getting a blowjob. His next breath came out shaky. “But… uh, in all seriousness, go ahead.”

“All right.” Joel leaned in again, holding him steady and closing his mouth over the tip. Vinny bit down on his lip, the wet heat borderline unbearable for how long he’d gone without this sort of contact. Various worries scampered in his mind, overlaid with wondering if Joel had ever done this before.

He got his answer when Joel tried to take in more and promptly gagged, pulling off of him. “Ah-- fucking hell.” He coughed, wiping his mouth with his free hand.

“Shit, are you okay?” Vinny grasped his arm.

“I’m good, I’m good. Just.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

“That’s fine, I just don’t want you to choke to death on my cock.” Nervous laughter bubbled up in his chest. “Do you have any idea what that’d look like in the headlines? What would I tell the team, ‘sorry guys, Joel died giving me a blowjob, God bless’?”

Joel half-coughed, half-laughed at that. “Rather die than like, puke on it though, right?”

“Joel. I will pay you five hundred dollars to never mention puking on my cock again.” Much to his chagrin, his erection didn’t flag in the slightest.

“Okay, okay, fuck, I grossed myself out with that.” Joel shook his head to clear his thoughts, following it up with that retching noise he so often made.

“Yeah, no, don’t. Don’t ever do that again.” Vinny let go of his arm and settled back, rubbing his face. Despite how legitimately disgusting that was, the familiarity of Joel’s tendency to be viscerally blunt relaxed him.

“...You still have a boner?” Joel asked, mildly incredulous.

“Against all odds.” Vinny gazed down the length of his body, to the wet mess of pre collecting in the hair on his lower stomach.

Joel lifted his hand. “I’m. Can I try again?”

“Yeah, but promise me you’ll take it easy.”

“No guarantees,” Joel replied, taking hold of him again.

God. Vinny let that be as close to something he could have faith in as possible and let himself get back into the mood. He closed his eyes a moment, taking in only the sensation of Joel stroking him, breathing out slowly. A calloused thumb circled under the head then over the tip, pre and saliva giving the motion some glide. Vinny shivered, groaning low in his throat, abs tensing. Still, Joel’s touch was softer than he really wanted, welcome as it was to get him to where he was before. He twitched his hips up, desperate for a little friction.

A moment later he felt the hot drag of Joel’s tongue on him again, the flutter of his breath on his skin. Joel’s hand splayed at the base, keeping his mouth to the head and clearly holding himself at metaphorical arm’s length. Vinny opened his eyes halfway, gently took Joel’s hand and shaped his fingers around his length.

“You can be a little rougher, s’okay,” he sighed out. “M’not as sensitive as you.”

Joel hummed, the vibration drawing out an embarrassing hitched noise from Vinny’s throat. His fist tightened considerably, shorter strokes but with a lot more force. That was more like it; his head tilted to the side, breathing growing heavier. Joel learned quickly, he noticed, movements more confident when he seemed to realize what Vinny meant. They stayed fast and firm, getting him up to full hardness from the previous near-edging he had been getting.

His blowjob technique on the other hand. Well, points for trying, and Vinny certainly wasn’t complaining. Joel experimented with a combination of things, the smoothness of the inside of his bottom lip a welcome contrast to his guitar player’s hands. The prod of his tongue against the slit coaxed out a substantial amount more pre, Vinny feeling his pulse throbbing under Joel’s hold.

“Mmh… fuck,” he muttered, thighs trembling. “That’s it…”

Joel pulled off a few seconds later, working his jaw. “Are you…?”

Vinny nodded, panting softly. “Pretty close. C’mon.”

The quirk of Joel’s eyebrows and the sudden ghost of uncertainty said it all. Vinny could tell right away he was battling with the decision to finish him off with his hand or mouth. “I won’t,” Vinny managed, “be offended if you… don’t wanna swallow.”

Evident relief washed over him, Joel switching to using only his hand. He kept with the same relatively merciless pace, apparently having abandoned all former misconceptions about how cautious to be. Vinny's breathing went uneven, shorter half-moaned gasps, a knot in his lower stomach twined tight. One leg pulled up, foot planted on the bed, hips canting up into Joel's hold.

It hit him in one sharp rush, blissing out for a good few seconds and trembling when he felt the sudden warmth splash across his stomach. He heard a muttered “oh fuck” from Joel followed shortly by Joel releasing him, the lazier remnants rolling down his side. Vinny swept a hand up to prevent it from getting on the sheets and finally opened his eyes.

Joel had shifted away, kneeling partially upright and rubbing the heel of his palm just over his right eyebrow. It took Vinny a moment to see the whitish streak in Joel's hair.

“O-oh my God,” he stammered, fumbling uncoordinated for the tissues. “I'm-- fuck, Joel, I'm sorry.”

To his relief Joel just laughed. “You almost got me in the eye, like, you shot a goddamn arc.” He took the tissues gratefully.

“It's in your hair, oh my God.” This was mortifying, yet somehow incredibly funny, raucous giggles doing their best to escape him.

“Fuck, seriously?” Joel's hand went to his hair, coming away wet. “Vinny you motherfucker.”

He watched helplessly as Joel scrambled off the bed, kicking off his boxers and hoofing it to the bathroom. A few moments later the shower turned on, the pipes in the walls squealing. Vinny willed the feeling to return to his legs, cleaning himself as best he could with tissues, far too worn out to even think about getting up.

Sometime later, the weight of Joel climbing back into bed woke him from a light doze he hadn’t realized he’d fallen into. He waited for Joel to resettle, hair stringy and damp from the shower, before squirming over and slinging an arm across him. His skin held that flushed warmth that made Vinny want to snuggle closer.

“Clingy much?” Joel murmured, clearly joking.

“Mmmhhh…” was all Vinny could manage, eyes slipping closed.

Joel leaned over him to switch off the lamp, then eased back down into bed. It took a moment before he returned the gesture, arm lightly over Vinny’s side. If he were more awake, Vinny figured he’d be second-guessing the closeness, but something about the romp they’d just been through told him to forget about it. He listened to the sound of Joel’s heartbeat and softer breathing, the peacefulness twisting his stomach in a different way.

“Hey. Um.” Joel broke the silence, voice unusually timid. “That… that was okay, right?”

It took Vinny a second to determine what Joel meant. “Y’mean like, what you did?”

“Yeah.”

Vinny peered up at him, vaguely able to make out his face in the dark. “Well obviously it didn’t suck.”

Joel snorted. “Yeah, I just mean. ...I dunno what I mean.”

“Joel.” Vinny reached to lightly cup his cheek. “I had a great time if that’s what you’re trying to ask.”

“Something like that, it’s…” Joel audibly hesitated. “I’ve never. Y’know. Done that stuff and I didn’t want to let you down.”

“I can tell you, you did not disappoint.” Vinny stifled a yawn, dropping his arm back onto Joel’s side and nestling into the pillow. “Don’t worry about it though, okay?”

Joel made a noncommittal noise, pulling the comforter over them both. From the way his breathing changed, a little faster and shallower, Vinny could tell he wanted to say something more.

“Is it really bothering you that much?” he asked.

“It’s.” Joel let out a long sigh. “I just. Ever since I started watching your streams, I really liked you? And uh. When I found out what you looked like, I was actually fuckin’ pissed off that you were that good-looking. Then we met back in 2011, I was so afraid you were gonna think I was annoying or whatever, but you kept inviting me back and stuff, and, and like. Now that we’re… together, I guess, I keep getting all worked up about what you think of me.”

Vinny blinked. “...Holy shit, Joel, you really like me, don’t you.”

“Yes,” Joel admitted, defeated.

“Wow.” In spite of the entire past year and this particular night’s events, Vinny felt blindsided. “...Joel. That’s gay.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Joel laughed, shoving him.

He snorted. “Okay, fine, I’ll stop memeing for a second. I’m… I’m really flattered.” It’s a good thing the lights were off, Vinny was sure his face was red. “And I absolutely don’t think you’re annoying. Never did. I told you earlier I like you a lot. We wouldn’t be here like this if I didn’t.”

“I know that, like, rationally.” Joel sucked his teeth. “But…”

“Joel, trust me. I know what it’s like to be self-conscious. I… I honestly can’t believe you like me.”

“...We’re complete fuckin’ idiots aren’t we.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we are.” Vinny pulled him close. “But this fucking idiot is fading fast.”

“Mm…” Joel rested his head on his shoulder. A few moments later, he snuggled up to him and sighed out a warm, sleepy breath. “G’night then.”

Vinny kissed his forehead, eyelids growing heavy. “Good night.”

He drifted off into the comfort and proximity, sleeping more soundly that he had in a long while.

It was… good.

Really good.


End file.
